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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Magpie Tales - Beautiful Things

This week's magpie prompt:

Before I met him, I knew nothing of that life, a life in which things and people existed not necessarily for their function, but their beauty.  Our first evening together, I’d picked up that tiny crystal salt dispenser, like a magpie attracted to something small and shiny, wondering why there was no salt in it.  He’d laughed at me as his right hand slid down the side of my face, telling me that something beautiful is not required to perform.  That was his first lie.
The night of his death, I remember arriving at the party.  The beam of his car lights shone across the pebbled drive.  I wore a simple black dress with steely pearls, my hair worn up off my neck, a blonde fringe hanging sideways across my face.  I wore earrings that dangled and glistened like fairy lights, another magpie treat. To the outside world I gave the impression of sophisticated togetherness, whilst inside I was a jigsaw of broken pieces.
I can still see the look of eagerness in his eyes; that party was going to get him up close and personal with those that mattered.  He turned and eyed me for the first time that evening, his smile said he approved.  The trophy female; all part of the persona, but then both of us were playing that particular game.
When he opened the car door, I thought about not moving, that somehow I could control what fate had in store.  The lights and sounds of the party spilled onto the drive as if calling for a dance.  I heard my feet crunch on the pebbles and my body moved, almost as if it belonged to someone else.

For full details of prompt and other writings click HERE

28 comments:

  1. Ooh, intriguing! I love the phrase "a jigsaw of broken pieces."

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  2. Nice! I agree with Maire; this piece is quite intriguing. I like the characterization and mood, as well as the compression of the prose. Tight write.

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  3. Love your site lately Louise, with the Poetry Bus and Magpie Tales it is very dynamic. I really like this piece.

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  4. snap. this is good...nice tuck ins of the magpie...and not much fun to be owned or appreciated just for your beauty...

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  5. "I was a jigsaw of broken pieces..." This is a fabulous line that so accurately describes "that"feeling!

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  6. Oh, this is wonderful. You have such great detail, and I love the way you mention magpies in here too. You really drew me in, and I want to know what happens next!

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  7. You left me hanging, wanting to know more. I know why but not how . . .

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  8. "He’d laughed at me as his right hand slid down the side of my face, telling me that something beautiful is not required to perform. That was his first lie."

    i don't think i like him...

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  9. who'd have thought a tiny salt shaker could inspire such a cliff-hanger! how does it all end?

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  10. Okay...I want to read more! What happens next! (Suspense! Suspense!) And also, I love how you phrased your words.

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  11. Something beautiful is not required to perform. that was his first lie -such a thrilling sentence! And a brilliant piece, full of tension, really loved it!

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  12. This is beautiful and performs very well! :) Well crafted read...

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  13. Sort of My Fair Lady, with Prof. Higgins getting it in the end...why, how??

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  14. Thanks for all the cool comments. For those of you interested in knowing more, I might post a longer version soon, but long prose on blogs does not seem to be the thing, but we'll see. Thanks guys again, great prompt this week!

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  15. 120 Socks,
    Darn; two pages must have stuck together. ;)
    Now that you've successfully set the hook, when do we get to the climax?
    rel

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  16. Ooooh! I want to know more! Love the magpie references too!

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  17. For a moment I felt elegant too as I read this. Great descriptions of the poise and graceful beauty...you put me right there!

    Love how you brought the character alive with her availability, desire, vulnerability, resentment and paradox behavior to be part of the "show" So true of human nature, it truly made her real...

    I also loved the hollow salt shaker and how slowly, if she's not careful, this character could allow herself to become hollowed too... by her own desires and others' expectations!

    You said so much with so few words! Great job!

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  18. this really is written quite beautifully. i loved reading it. in the beginning, i was excited about one simply being beautiful and it not being about what can be gained... but as i read on, i realised something else. such a wonderful story, full of lessons which bring to life a world that certainly exists...

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  19. This was a bit haunting. I like it though. I can picture it in my mind. Like something out of a movie! Nice! :o)

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  20. Thanks guys. If anyone feels like joining a prompt on the poetry bus that would be great, join here @

    http://120socks.blogspot.com/2011/02/poetry-bus-calling-all-bus-riders.html

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  21. Ok, what happened next??? :-)
    Nice mag!

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  22. Oh maaaan... quite gave me the chills! And the first paragraph instantly reminded me of Dorian Gray...

    Really liked the way you exacted the minutest of details here... very well written! Kept me absorbed!!
    I would loooove to see what happens next... WHOA!!!

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  23. This is a much bigger story. Does she kill him? Loved it!

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  24. Hmmm, maybe best wait for the longer version!!

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  25. Nice, 120 socks. Your story is so visual I got blinded by the beams of the car and I turn around when I heard pebbles crunching behind me.
    Is there someone in my room?
    Oh no, that's just your characters showing up! ;-)

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